So, yeah...I'm at RIT till probably next Saturday, when I will find myself back home for teh holidays. Ugh. Shoot me now.
When I go home now, it's so weird, as though I don't belong there. I don't belong here, I don't belong there...so where the hell do I belong? Mind you, I *want* to go home, if only for the fact that Mike is there. But even then, I don't know what's going to happen, since my car literally died. >_<
Anywho. Apparently I really did lose all of my "Christmas spirit" a few years ago. Not to say that I hate it or anything equally Grinch-like. I don't really have any opinion of it now. It's just another day that I'm forced into seeing a family that I'm not really part of. --_--;; But, what's a girl to do, I suppose? Not much *to* do, except deal with it.
I've been horrible about posting and updating, and for that, I'm sorry. The first quarter came and went, pretty uneventfully beyond Mike's departure at the end. I'm still struggling with not having him here...This is the first time we've been so far apart for so long. But after looking deeply into myself, I find myself bound to him tightly, and I know that I will fight tooth and nail to hold onto him. :) So yeah...my grades were decent: not one below a B.
This quarter, I made sure to pack my schedule as tightly as I could, if not so I didn't have to stop and think about being alone here, then because if I don't, I'll probably have to stay an extra quarter (I may have to anyway, but I'll try my damndest to not have to...) So yeah. This quarter is quite enjoyable, since I managed to fit both Japanese and Massage Therapy in. ^^ And found out (no surprise to me, lol) that my back was ridiculously like a brick wall, when I asked my Massage teacher to have a look at it. I was hoping he could help me out with my migraines, but that could very well be a part of it....fucking boobs. >_< lol
So, that's a lot of what's been going on. When I'm not in class, I'm doing homework, talking to my million-miles-away friends, or slowly easing into online games, lol. If only I had the freedom at home that I have here....life would be so much easier. Haha. But that's probably wayyyy too much to ask, so I deal with it.
And I'm starting to realize that time has really changed me. I was very shy a long time ago, and for a while, I came out of that shell....but now, I find myself retreating again. Not that I mind...I rather like being more soft-spoken and observant; it suits me better. And I find that I have become more reflective about past experiences--especially things that I once regretted or missed, and people I once held a grudge to. Now, much of those things are unnecessary and almost foolish. There is no point in hating what might have happened in the past. Now that I think about it, I have struck up a renewed friendship--a real one--with Jordan, I have forgiven Eddie and Matt for wrongs that I once thought they had committed against me...and I no longer resent Alex for what happened. Why is that? Why can I look past all that happened, all those times I was hurt, and forgive so easily? Perhaps I have reached a revelation of sorts. I'd like to think that I have...because for a while, I had a hard time believing that I was nearing maturity...that I was growing up gracefully, and that there was something unique about myself. And now...there is a patience that I don't think was there before. And I'm learning to see things that I like within myself. Perhaps there is hope for me yet. :)
I think that sums up the extent of my life in the past few weeks.
And with that, I shall conclude my monologue. *bows*